I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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