I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
