Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
