I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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