things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize