if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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