Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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