I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
