I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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