So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
