Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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