You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
