I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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