It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
