Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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