You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
