Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
