Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
