woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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