I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
