i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
True strength comes from lack of pants
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
