one two three fourrrrnication!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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