So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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