i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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