he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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