just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
