I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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