So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
