it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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