YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
