put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
