he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
