i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
