so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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