Can i not drive my cunt home
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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