Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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