I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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