Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
