Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
babies were throwing up all over the place
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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