Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
