just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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