My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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