Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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