Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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