So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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