Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Randomize
