yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
