Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Ladies don't puke and tell
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
