Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
