so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
