pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
