Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
