So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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