dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize