Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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