Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
do herpes really smell.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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