its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
