you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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