he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
