is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
