I'm lost and stupid without you.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
