so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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