i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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