I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
