i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Randomize
