you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
