butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
