I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
