i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
