so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize