i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i think i just lost a toe
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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