Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize