Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize