omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
