is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
