Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
