Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize