North Korea, Best Korea!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
