Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
