nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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