can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
