I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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