Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate

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(469): View more from Texas

FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found

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(650): View more from California

lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses

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(607): View more from New York

She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam

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(815): View more from Illinois

So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.

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