it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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