he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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